I'm sure my lack of response sparked his curiosity, and this morning while we were sitting at the kitchen table he asked again "so where do they GET the new liver?". I replied "The doctors get it." and hoped my little play of words would satisfy him, but nope, he persisted "But WHERE?". I looked at Andre, who shrugged, then I figured the gig was up and slowly said "Well...sometimes people get in a car accident, or are very sick and have to go to the hospital. The doctors try to save them, but sometimes they die. Then the doctors ask the person's family if they would give their liver to someone else who needs it, like Gavin, and they say yes. Does that make sense to you?" His eyes bugged out a little bit and he incredulously asked "Someone KILLS themself to give their liver?!" and I quickly corrected him "No, no...they are already dead." And he seemed to accept that and went on to the next subject.
I hope I didn't scar my child for life! So tonight I searched the internet for books written for siblings of sick children. There weren't a whole lot of options out there, but I thought these ones looked the best, so I ordered all three:
What About Me? When Brothers and Sisters get Sick
by Allan Peterkin
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0945354495
When Molly Was in the Hospital: A Book for Brothers and Sisters of Hospitalized Children by Debbie Duncan
(the artwork on this one makes my eyes well up with tears)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1877810444
Henry Goes for Surgery by Renita De Challis
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401057217
Hopefully these books will give us a little more guidance on the correct phrases and age-appropriate material to use, as I'm sure there will be other difficult questions that pop up in the future. But after skimming some of the passages in one, I think what I said was okay. I also found a few websites with helpful information on them:
TransplantLiving.org
Siblings of Children with Chronic Illness and Disability
2 comments:
Yikes..I think you handled that really well! It is a tough subject...especially because you want to be like, "pray for a new liver!" but you don't want them to figure out that it is kind of like praying for someone else to pass away.
We go a good one for Bennett when Jordan was born. It's pretty simple and it's one that Evienne could probably start reading. It's called "Hi, my name is Jack" (A Book for the Healthy Siblings of Chronically Ill Children). It's by Christina Beall-Sullivan, MS, RN. I'm not sure if you can get it online though... We bought it at the hospital gift shop at Primary Childrens a few days after Jordan was taken there.
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