Its official...

Our insurance finally sent authorization and Gavin was "officially" placed on the transplant list on Monday. His PELD Score is 30!!! That is MUCH higher than any of us thought it would be. (just to remind everyone, it only goes up to 40, and that means you are very, very sick). Before his labs were calculating around 20-24-ish. I guess his low weight is really affecting the overall score. I have also heard that O blood types are given extra points, maybe that is contributing as well??? Who knows!

All *I* know is that this means we REALLY could get the call ANY DAY now!!! The time line has changed from "most likely within the next 3 months" to "most likely within the next month" if not weeks...or {gulp} days! (I refuse to even think "hours" right now). His labs were worse this week...his bleeding time is getting worse, so they are having him come in for Vit K shots for the next 3 days, then after that they up his Vit K pill intake to two pills a day instead of 1. Gavin has been really, really grouchy lately too. At first I thought it was just the hullabaloo from the yard sale throwing off his schedule, but its been 5 days now. I'm not sure if its his killer diaper rash or liver issues. But I really hope he cheers up soon!

You can bet that I am very relieved and grateful that we had the yard sale last weekend, otherwise I'd be stressin' out big time! At least we know we have enough set aside to get us through the first month.

I am really just sick to my stomach about it all though...honestly, I'm scared. Really scared. Terrified. I've basically been trying to keep busy to avoid thinking about it, which has been pretty easy to do with everything that needs to be done:

• pack duffel bags so they are ready to grab & go!
• LAUNDRY
• phone calls, doctor appointments, blood draws, shots
• clean the house!
• finish selling the left-over furniture from the yard sale
• check emails and blogs
• make lists, and more lists, and even more lists
• SHOP

I'm trying to have faith. But its still pretty scary when you know that anything can happen, and all you can really do is align yourself with God's will and accept it. Most of the time I am okay...I can take a DEEP breath, think good thoughts or whatever...but inside there is this gnawing in my stomach, this whispering in the back of my brain, so then I quickly find something else to busy myself with. Thank you cards? Matching t-shirts? Stuffed Liver dolls? New cute socks (they look like little cowboy boots!!!)? Yep, all my way of ignoring those incessant, annoying 'what ifs'.

Sometimes I read the blogs of other moms in the "liver disease" world, and I am amazed at how well they know their Bible...in, out, and sideways! I wish I could pull some little gems off the top of my head whenever I needed them. I'd have to go sift through the topical guide to find a fitting scripture.

Surprisingly, Andre is doing better than I am with everything. He can see the positive side of all this. Gavin's going to get a new, clean, awesome liver! Woohoo! I'm still trying to get past the thought of them cutting my son's body open and taking out his organ. (too graphic? sorry, but this is what I'm dealing with right now.)

I am also worried about how small he is for his age. We are talking to the pediatric surgeon tomorrow about the central line, so I'm guessing we'll be doing it Mon/Tues-ish. We will be in the hospital for about 3 days. Remember when I was freaking about the feeding tube in the nose? Ya well, now I'm actually praying that he will get his line in SOON and that he'll be able to gain a few pounds before the transplant.

To end on a happier note, Gavin is *this* close to crawling. Watch out world, here Gavin comes!!! (Daddies hide your daughters!) ;)